I don’t understand why you push away, after our last evening together
I was confident you felt something…something tangible
At last I saw behind your cover
You said things I’ve only dreamed about
and almost given up on.
But there they were.
I was drunk on love
You, the inebriated one, spilled the truths
From your closed up heart,
Which opened just enough to make me see
I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t imagining
Love did exist.
You can push me away, hide your feelings
I will step away and bury mine
but it won’t change anything.
I could have stood in the howling wind and drenching rain
Kissed and held you, feeling only your mouth
Your lips, your tongue, your body against mine.
Your hands pulling my face closer
Devouring each other
Rain drops pouring down our faces
Melding our wet bodies into each other.
And I’d lay down on the flooded ground
and feel your body on top of mine, mine on yours….
And nothing going on around us would matter.
My love for you has strength
Wounded many times
Pulled myself back up …
from that place of sadness and confusion
I’ve wiped my tears away, pushed grief to the back
Walked into the future. .. always known you were there. ..
Always hoped you cared…
In some small way. ..
But here we are again.
I’m on the ground… without you…
On the wet, muddy, puddled ground
My face streaked with dirt, fingers grabbing handfuls of gravel…
Face upturned to the grey sky
The rain joins my tears
And I can’t get up … I can’t get up
I want to stay here in the wet and cold
I won’t feel the chill in my bones. .. not now… not anymore…
Someone will have to drag me up..
I won’t put up a fight… I’ll hang heavy as lead…
I’ll make the effort hard for them, so they might give up
And dump my heavy body back down on the ground where I’ll lie
In a heap of sobbing and tears until I melt away into the road.
And black tyres will run over what’s left. .. over and over. …
Until I’m flattened … just like my heart is. ..