Love and Forgiveness

loveI haven’t found time to empty my mind today. I haven’t found time to listen to God. My mind has allowed many negative thoughts in. Thoughts that trail off into scenarios. My mind began to weave a story around all the possible outcomes…the conversations went through my head…my anticipated reactions…..all while I wandered the shops with my daughter. Holding her hand and chatting….watching her sweet little ways…..laughing….throwing in some helpful advice for her. Choices of men, clothes, friends, life choices, sex. Little stories about the families past. Many she’s heard before but I retell them just to help them sink in. I’m depending on the children to remember those little stories. I have always been the keeper of family memories. Like the Indians, the Chinese and the Aboriginals…..passing stories down through the generations.
I know it’s late but I have to write. Writing gives me peace. It helps to get some of my thoughts down on paper and I’ve come to expect inspiration. So many thoughts go through my mind in a day. I daydream about the man I love. I replay our conversations, imagine new ones….the words I wish he might say one day. I imagine us in different scenarios…those future ones I was talking about before….the negative ones. Often in these scenes he is the hero. My hero. Bittersweet.
I do love this man with all my heart. I don’t love that many people. I love my children and my Mum and Dad. I love my best friend and my pets. I love my brother, Aunt and Uncles and clients who have become friends. But I find I am not loving too many people. I don’t trust people to be in my life for long. I’ve discovered people come and go and few remain in contact. I’ve learnt that some people never deserved my love. Yet if I am to be as Jesus instructed us…..loving thy neighbour….forgiving each other….then I should go to bed, close my eyes and go through the list of people I need to love more….the people I need to forgive. That is my mission tonight. Without this, letting go and forgiving, I can’t find love….I won’t put myself in touch with the healing power of Love.
I have had this happen on a few occasions….where I have felt an overwhelming sense of love for the world. Once it happened at the Children’s Hospital. I noticed the black and white framed photographs of animals spread wide across a wall. Although I had seen these photographs many times, on this occasion I saw Love in every photo. As I walked along I saw a mother spoon feeding her adolescent boy and I saw Love. Further along I saw a little girl facing her Muslim parents. She was standing on her father’s feet and he was walking her along as her beautiful, laughing face looked up into his eyes. There was Love. All God’s children and animals, different religions, young and old, the carers and the sick……the feeling washed over me and I felt Love for all.
Tonight my healing project is forgiveness to all. Love to all.

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